The Uplift :))

Two in one day???? What??? Yuppp, indeed I am attempting to do 2 in one day because today was a really really good day! 

This morning I started my blog off with trying to explain how I have been feeling. Feelings of sadness and a few others that I couldn't quite identify. As the day went on I kept feeling a sense of sadness, pre-grief for the inevitable future, and a bit of anxiety. I'll explain a bit more as I go through the day! 

Today half of our team had a later start because we were going to campus instead of the CDI. Which I was kind of worried for because I have been feeling anxious about direct ministry or even talking more in depth with people about the Lord and his goodness. With the kids it feels easier because we play with them and can love them through our actions and they feel loved in that way rather than an in depth conversation. So, Alexis, Matthew, Ben and I headed to campus to meet up with whoever was there from the Ohio team and join them with whatever they had going on. Turns out today was more of a personal day for each person being that some of them planned to hangout with some of the students and just have more intentional time with the students. We decided to go get lunch first and then prayer walk around campus and meet new people. While at lunch Alexis asked each of us if we have learned anything whether related to God or anything from this past week. I think I felt a sense that I needed to be a bit more vulnerable with my team so I shared a few things. One was that I haven't been feeling very evangelistic since I got here, like ever since starting things for Costa Rica even before we got here I have primarily been focused/excited about seeing all the friends that I have made here and getting away from my normal, everyday life. Which means I kind of forgot in a sense one of our main purposes of being here, not completely but it just wasn't on my mind immediately when I thought about Costa Rica. That is why I felt anxious about going to campus because I didn't know what to expect or how much I would need to put myself out there even though I didn't feel in a place to share. I think it felt somewhat like an empty cup, especially since I haven't been able to or rather feel like I am spending quality time with the Lord. During that conversation with my team, I started feeling a even deeper sadness for the future. I am a very future oriented person and so I can easily get caught up in the future and planning for it or just thinking about it in general. At one point next year was brought up and possible things that could happen or just things about the Costa Rica trip for next year. I felt a deeper sadness or I guess pre-grief because there is a higher chance that I will not be able to return next summer due to graduating and hopefully attending nursing school. I'm not really looking forward to that time coming and I don't enjoy thinking about it, but it's been super hard to not think about. One of my prayers throughout this time and before would be that I would be able to be present in all that I am doing here and get to enjoy where the Lord has me at right now these next few weeks. I know it's not the last time ever coming back, but it is just unknown about when that time will be. I also understand that it's probably a bit dramatic to feel really sad about this, but that it genuinely how I feel. I really love everything about being here, I love what we're doing, who we're with and just everything. Every time I talk about anything to do with Costa Rica or it's mentioned in any context my ears are immediately tuned in and my eyes light up and my heart starts beating faster. It makes me feel very very happy. 

All that to say after eating lunch with mi equipo I was feeling very discouraged, anxious and overall not looking forward to attempting to talk to new people. Once we got back to campus we prayed for a bit and listened to the Lord to see if he would reveal anyone that he would want us to speak to. We saw a few things, a couple fruits and specifically a pink tank top. So, afterwards we partnered up, Matthew and Ben together and then Alexis and I together. Pretty immediately after separating I told Alexis that I was feeling a lot of negative things and didn't feel like I could go on very much. She asked if I wanted to pray or sit and talk about it and I said yes because that felt needed in order for me to feel like I could do anything else. We then sat and I talked about the things I've already mentioned above, then I prayed for a bit, it felt very freeing to stumble through my prayer because I couldn't really identify what I was feeling or even what to ask God. That gave me a sense of relief. At one point during that time I saw a girl walking by in a pink tank top like we had previously felt that we saw the Lord show us. We decided not to go talk to her, as Alexis said, it is nice to also just be here and pray together for each other, at least something like that. We agreed that it felt like confirmation from the Lord and so we thought to pray for her specifically afterwards. Then Alexis shared a verse with me that I believe was in Isaiah 40, but my memory is a bit off. I remember feeling a bit more encouraged, but don't remember the verse specifically. She prayed for me and I think I definitely felt more relieved than I had felt all week since I had been feeling this way for the past week off and on. We then went back to meet up with Matthew and Ben to head over to the gym to watch a volleyball game with some of the students. As we were waiting we introduced ourselves to 2 guys that were also chilling by the tree and had a little conversation about what they do at the school, it was light and nice. 

Once the boys showed up we then asked if they wanted to join us and we headed on our way. They ended up not coming because they had some classes that they had to go to soon. The volleyball game was interesting the university was playing against a Med School team. Ana made a comment that was "they're going to be doctors, they don't need to be good at this or practice often", we all laughed a bit because she's very much right and UNA did indeed beat them. It was the best 3 out of 5 and UNA won all of them so a fourth and fifth game was not needed. 

The red team is UNA, the university that we are at and where H@ngout is at! 

Despues del partido, we went with the Ohio team to Casa Flores to hangout for a bit until the CDI crew was done. CDI crew finished and we joined them at Duke's Texas BBQ. During that time we planned out generally what kinds of things we want to do for the English lessons for the CDI kids. We came up with a lot of great ideas and will plan them more in depth each weekend for the week to come. So, I'll update you as we do them! 

Duke's was good, as always! The Texans approve 👍

The Ohio team was putting on a bible study at their place and some of the students were joining so we decided to join them too. Turns out we will be continuing these bible study nights the weeks that we are here, which I am super excited for!! 

I have a lot of energy right now because my mood/feelings have somewhat flipped from the first half of the day after the bible study. We engaged in a bit of worship, talked about what worship is, and then broke off into 2 groups one for guys and one for girls. The story/parable we went through was John 10:1-21 about how God is our Shepard and we are his sheep. There was a lot of great conversation about it and I even felt stirred to share a good amount of times. This parable was a good reminder of God's character being applied to our lives and just how we are all a part of his flock. Some of the questions included, what are thing that stick out to you from the parable, what are some questions you may have about it, and how do you think you can apply this to your life right now (there were a few others, but I can't remember them very well). Anyways, a lot of what was shared was around God knowing us deeply and how we have the opportunity to have a relationship with to understand his voice and everything. Something that was also interesting that was shared was that God doesn't see us as bad or unworthy or even imperfect. Yes, we are broken people, but he made us each individually and uniquely. He loves us so so deeply. I was reminded of Psalms 139 which I have been reflecting on a bit ever since Sam mentioned it. Btw he has a blog too, you should go read it if you'd like here's the link (Sam's blog). 

After sharing a bit more on everyone's thoughts we broke off into smaller prayer group to pray for each other. I was with Sheryl, Claira (Ohio team member), and Karen (a student from H@ngout). It was so so so sweet to get to experience that with them. Karen expressed her deep desire to know the Lord on a deeper level and talked about how excited she was to get to know him more. That made me think back to when I first met the Lord and was super excited and on fire and just ready to get to know him. Then reflecting a bit on how I've been feeling this past year, more neutral, surface level, doubts of the Lord, and just overall not really present with the Lord. Seeing her and hearing how she talked about the Lord and what's she's already done to grow closer to the Lord like deleting social media and finding ways to not be so tied to this broken world. Our group decided to pray for each other as a whole. I kept sensing the same theme between each person's prayer request which was to grow closer to the Lord and know him even more than we do now. So I prayed over that. I now feel deep in my heart a sense of thankfulness, joy, and encouragement. Something I have been desiring to feel for a while now in the aspect of being closer to God getting to actually feel his presence more near to me. I'm so happy that we got to be a part of that bible study night and get to continue them over the course of the next few weeks. 

Bible Study! 

I used a lot of "I feel" and "I felt" which is a large improvement from the first half of the day of not being able to identify my feelings 😅 Praise the Lord! What a quick answered prayer of some clarity! 

So that's how the rest of today went, wasn't quite 2 in one day but very close! 😁

Prayer Requests:

• An increase in awareness of God's presence in our lives
• Continued deeper conversations with each person that we get to connect with
• For the CDI kids to feel blessed and loved
• Clarity, peace, and joy
• For me not to dwell on the different possibilities of the future and be able to be present where God has me now
• For our 1 week team to have an amazing last day here and for them to be able to process this trip well when they get home